School jokes thread.

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Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper.
Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either !

Teacher: You copied from Fred's exam paper didn't you ?
Pupil: How did you know ?
Teacher: Fred's paper says "I don't know" and you have put "Me, neither"!

Great news; teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine.
So what's so great about that ?
It's snowing outside !

What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher ?
Lots of blood tests !

What kinds of tests do they give witches ?
Hex-aminations and Spelling tests!

Father: What did the teacher think of your idea?
Son: She took it like a lamb.
Father: Really ? What did she say?
Son: Baa!

Father: How were the exam questions ?
Son: Easy.
Father: Then why look so unhappy ?
Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, but the answers did !

Father: How did your exams go ?
Son: I got nearly 100 in every subject.
Father: What do you mean, nearly 100 ?
Son: I was just a digit out; I averaged 10!

Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test
Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you !

Father: Why did you get such a low score in that test ?
Son: Absence.
Father: You were absent on the day of the test ?
Son: No, but the boy who sits next to me was !

MOTHER: Why are your exam marks so poor this term?
PUPIL: It's the teacher's fault, Mum.
MOTHER: But you had the same teacher last term and you did well in your exams then.
PUPIL: Yes, but I'm not sitting by the brainiest girl in the class now. The teacher's moved her.

What's your Fred going to be when he's passed his exams?
The way he's going, a pensioner, I should think!

What exams do farmers take?
Hay levels.

Who got the best marks in the animal exam?
The cheetah.

EXAM QUESTION: Write, as precisely as possible, all you know about the great English watercolour painters of the eighteenth century.
PUPIL'S ANSWER: They're all dead.

EXAM QUESTION: When was Napoleon born?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: On his birthday.

EXAM QUESTION: What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: Unlawful is against the law, and illegal is a sick bird.

MUM: How did your music exam go?
SON: The music teacher said my playing was out of this world.
MUM: Really?
SON: Well she said it was unearthly.

EXAMINER: Did you make up this poem yourself?
PUPIL: Yes, sir, every word.
EXAMINER:Well, pleased to meet you, William Shakespeare!

EXAM QUESTION: What happens to gold when it is exposed to air?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: It's stolen.

THE TEST PRAYER
Now I lay me down to rest,
I pray to pass tomorrow's test.
If I should die before I wake,
That's one less test I'll have to take.

TEACHER: You got a perfect zero on your exam. How do you do it?
PUPIL: It was luck. I guessed at some of the answers.

TEACHER: What was the pen name of Samuel Clemens?
PUPIL: Was it "Bic"?

TEACHER: When did Napoleon die?
PUPIL: Die? I didn't even know he was sick.

TEACHER: Can you tell me how long pot roast should be cooked?
PUPIL: The same as short pot roast.

FATHER: Aren't you first in anything at school?
SON: Sure, Dad. I'm first out when the bell rings!

MOTHER: Why have your grades been so low since the holidays?
SON: Well, Mother, you know how everything gets marked down after Christmas.

TEACHER: Do you know why you have such poor grades?
PUPIL: I can't think.
TEACHER: Exactly!

Did you hear about the little kid who copied from his friend's arithmetic test paper by using a mirror? He got all his answers backwards.
His friend got a grade of 93 and he got 39.

SECOND GRADER: I really liked being in your class, Miss Jones. I'm sorry you're not smart enough to teach us next year.

THE TEST PRAYER
Now I lay me down to rest,
I pray to pass tomorrow's test.
If I should die before I wake,
That's one less test I'll have to take.

TEACHER: You got a perfect zero on your exam. How do you do it?
PUPIL: It was luck. I guessed at some of the answers.

TEACHER: What was the pen name of Samuel Clemens?
PUPIL: Was it "Bic"?

TEACHER: When did Napoleon die?
PUPIL: Die? I didn't even know he was sick.

TEACHER: Can you tell me how long pot roast should be cooked?
PUPIL: The same as short pot roast.

FATHER: Aren't you first in anything at school?
SON: Sure, Dad. I'm first out when the bell rings!

MOTHER: Why have your grades been so low since the holidays?
SON: Well, Mother, you know how everything gets marked down after Christmas.

TEACHER: Do you know why you have such poor grades?
PUPIL: I can't think.
TEACHER: Exactly!

Did you hear about the little kid who copied from his friend's arithmetic test paper by using a mirror? He got all his answers backwards.
His friend got a grade of 93 and he got 39.

SECOND GRADER: I really liked being in your class, Miss Jones. I'm sorry you're not smart enough to teach us next year.

I used to hate tests. Then my teacher said to just treat them as a game.
Now I hate games, too.

We had a test yesterday that was so tough,
the school nurse had to be present before we could begin.

There's only one thing I hate more than taking tests in school.
And that's the grade I get after taking tests in school.

FRED: Mom, I don't want to go to school today.
MOM: Why? Have you got a stomachache?
FRED: No.
MOM: Have you got a sore throat?
FRED: No.
MOM: Have you got a headache?
FRED: No.
MOM: What have you got?
FRED: A test in History.

My Dad always says "What you don't know won't hurt you."
It sure hurt me in the math test I took last week.

TEACHER: Name two cities in Kentucky.
FRED: Okay, I'll name one Fred, and the other Harry.

I got a minus 30 on one exam. I not only got the wrong answers,
but I misspelled three of them.

FRED: Teacher, does neatness count on that test we just took?
TEACHER: Yes, it does.
FRED: Then I should get a high mark because I didn't write anything on the paper.

FRED: Teacher, how did I do on yesterday's spelling test?
TEACHER: Let's put it this way; do you know how to spell "F"?

I got a 60 on my Map Skills test.
That's not bad for a kid who wasn't allowed to cross the street until just a few years ago.

DAD: I don't understand your poor History grades. I always did well in History when I was a kid.
FRED: Dad, there's a lot more History now than when you were a kid.

HARRY: I'd rather jump off a ten story building than take this Science test.
FRED: I didn't know we had a choice.

TEACHER: How many planets are in the sky?
PUPIL: I think all of them.

TEACHER: Where do we find the Suez Canal?
FRED: It should be written right here on my sleeve with the rest of the answers.

TEACHER: How long did Thomas Edison live?
PUPIL: All his life.

TEACHER: When did George Washington die?
PUPIL: It was just a few days before they buried him.